It’s lovely when things are going well for our kids in school, yet there is this feeling that their struggles are then missed. I want my children to be happy, I also want them to feel comfortable enough to reveal their true authentic selves. I don’t want feelings bubbling under the surface that surface for me and me alone. We are then not believed and it makes advocating for our children more of a struggle if what is seen is just at home.
Our homes are our children’s safe place and we are the people they feel comfortable enough with to show all there thoughts and emotions. We do everything that is needed in this environment, we reduce demands, and can recognize when things are going wrong and adapt.
When they don’t show this side at school however you know that under the surface they’re struggling but you can’t help them because they’re fine at school. It also makes diagnosis difficult as the professionals only listen to the professionals so everything you’re saying no longer counts. It also makes it harder when it comes to EHCP’s, your child tells you daily how much they don’t like something at school yet when you bring it up it’s a case of well they’re fine in school! Frustrating doesn’t come close.
Can you imagine how much less stressful SEND parenting would be if every professional we came across took us, parents, seriously? We know our children best. Masking is a thing, perfectionism and fear of failure is a thing.
My youngest is a classic masker. She fits every box for ASD, more so than even her brothers in many ways. Her school report was amazing, her reading is amazing and whilst this is great it feels like I have a huge battle ahead of me to be believed. My boys both struggled academically at school and in a way this helped us get their diagnosis and we were believed, they got there EHCPs with no issues. I know that my youngest is different, she wouldn’t like the attention of full support in school, she would prefer to fade into the background yet to have her needs recognised to pick up on the clues that she needs a little help with her friendships, to use less demanding words that could be the difference in how she copes.
Mental health is my biggest fear for all my children. I don’t want my youngest to have to allow the anxiety to brew under the surface and feel misunderstood. To feel different yet not know why. I get it. I felt the same, I coped at Primary school but found secondary a living hell. I had a close-knit group of friends at primary school then at secondary they split us up. I never felt like I fit in and struggled to form new friendships. I was bullied.It still effects me to this day. I don’t want the same for my daughter.
Our children shouldn’t have to wait until everything goes wrong at school to get the help they’ve needed all along. We as parents shouldn’t feel scared to mention things in case were made to feel like we’re liars. We shouldn’t have to go private to get a diagnosis. I have 2 diagnosed boys and Being Autistic is genetic, I feel like me and my husband are both probably Autistic so it’s highly likely my daughter is too. Sometimes I just wish she could show her true self in school so we could get her the help she will need.
Chalk and Cheese ASD 